When our AEP ended at the end of June, we had our post AEP interview less than 36 hours later - despite being told that they usually take place "within two weeks." For the second time during the process, our workers included terms like "top priority," "top of the list," and "completed during the summer." It seems that when you are "crazy" enough to ask for multiple children over the age of two, they want to get you in and out as fast as possible. We joked that they wanted us over and done with before we realized what we were in for so they could wave, while driving away, calling out "No take backs! No take backs!"
To be honest, I think we were both a little panicked at how fast we were moving through all these stages. On paper, what was listed as being a multi-month process was, as we were lead to believe, all going to be completed in about eight weeks. Needless to say, we left that meeting and rushed around preparing for our home study. It made sense to us - and the Ministry as we were told - that, with my work schedule being free and clear for two months, that our home study would be completed over the summer so we only had to work around my husband's work schedule and all appointments could be conducted during regular business hours. We had been told numerous times that having to hold some evening appointments to work with family's schedules would delay the process. Quick and easy... that's honestly what we thought.
After multiple emails bouncing back with vacation notices over the course of the summer, we began to realize there was going to be nothing quick and easy about this. Our intake call came August 29 - two working days before I returned to full-time teaching with our first appointment scheduled for September 9. When I was told all eight 60 or 90 minute home study appointments needed to be concluded prior to 4:30 pm weekdays, needless to say, I was a little "miffed" and no longer feeling like our family was "a top priority." Now, as I am fully aware that we are dealing with the government who are essentially in control of whether or not we can expand our family through domestic adoption, it becomes even more frustrating because you feel like you have no right to speak up and say, "Wait a minute. This is not at all what you said was going to happen.You can't get our expectations up, then stomp on them and then get annoyed when we speak up."
I am trying to be diplomatic and bite my tongue. I would love to say things like, "I'm pretty sure all workers being unavailable due to vacation was not something that you were unaware of at the end of June when you told us to expect a summer home study." People really don't seem to appreciate having the obvious pointed out to them. Instead, we asked for another worker - one who was flexible and willing to work with us - with some appointments going beyond 4:30 pm - during the school year. Expecting a teacher to take eight half days off at the beginning of the school year is, frankly, ridiculous. My attempt at a "we'd like to move forward with someone a bit more accommodating" was met with a comment about concerns about my availability as a parent if I was unable to take time off from work. Ouch.
Needless to say, we have been moved to the bottom of the list (and who knows how long "the list" is) ... and my now stressed out husband is convinced we will be parked there indefinitely. As for me, I continue to write letters I will never send about how frustrating it is to be mislead and then slapped in the face.
You shouldn't be at the bottom long. Not too many people are as giving as you to take multi children so be positive. You are such a awesome person and so is your husband. Love Shelley
ReplyDeleteWe had ALL of our home study visits in the evenings 7-9pm and both of our Adoption workers would work thru lunch so Hubby could join us when needed...really they were so available - one day to file the correct court papers our worker drove from our home to hubs work 4 times - so neither of us would have to come to the office (i had the babies and hubs was working) Truly the ministry offices must have different mandates and or the adoption workers can do as they see fit to get the job done. I dont understand this :( sorry you are experiencing this I always thought that in the small town we live in in BC we had less resources but I have learned time and again that we had the best ever Adoption SW (s) working FOR our three beautiful children. They got them HOME... and fast!
ReplyDeleteSame thing! We completed the AEP at the end of June and were what we though were "favourites" for sure. We too were leaving the province for 2 weeks the next day but were told our home study would take place over the summer. ... Nothing. ... Then in September I got a call that our worker, whom we hadn't met yet, wanted to see me ASAP, without my husband, like it was an emergency. I raced down to the office, nearly throwing up on the way. She wanted to clarify some "issues" with me that had come up. I did my best to explain and mitigate what she preserved as "issues", sweating like an inmate on death row. ... We didn't hear back again until October, when our home study actually started and it was awful! She already had a preconceived idea about us and we never felt we could talk our way out of it. How do you express, "We're awesome people, you'll love us" when she's looking at you like you're already guilty of God knows what. ... And the church thing, well, we go to church and it worked against us. She felt we "had our head in the clouds" because we had a belief and support system. She felt having close family members nearby, which we don't, was a lot more stable and realistic, than a bunch of fellow "kook-aid drinkers". ... It just didn't work out and when we expressed that we were informed that asking for a new worker would be frowned upon, implying it would make us look like we were "difficult". ... It has been a heartbreaking and gut wrenching experience. But, we have found another path now and the social workers we're working with are so positive and make us feel hopeful and optimistic each time we speak to them.
ReplyDeleteBut then there's our friends, both teachers, same AEP class and their study was almost completed before September. Visits with their children started after Christmas and they were living with them 13 months after completing the AEP. The right social worker makes a difference, they either love you or they don't, they fight for you or they don't. They can bring out and focus on your best or they can grill you into being a babbling moron that questions "why am I even doing this?" ... But, with all of that said I am grateful it has worked out this way. I feel we are on the right track this time and that our initial experience was practice for what I hope will be the real thing this time. :)