Is The Burner Even On?

When I told MCFD at the end of August that we would be unable to work with an adoption worker who required that all home study appointments be concluded by 4:30pm weekdays, I knew we would be: a) in the dog house and b) put on the back burner. When we received an email from the intake coordinator telling us that "further options would need to be discussed with the supervisor next week," I knew for sure that we were no longer considered "top priority." We resigned ourselves to the fact that we had been officially put on the back burner.

It is now three weeks later and we have not had any further communication from MCFD letting us know if "further options" have even been discussed. Like my ObGyn was saying to me nearly two years ago "tick tock goes the clock..." and this leads me to wonder, "Is the burner even on?" Or have we just been shoved to the back and left to get cold? The image I picture of our application is of gravy, once warm and smelling delicious, - the perfect topper to a delicious meal - turning into a congealed lump of pasty looking fat. It was coming along very nicely, almost ready to go but it just sat on the back burner, growing cold while all the other dishes were served and enjoyed and, at the end of the meal, someone says "oops! well... that's a shame, forgot about it" and tosses it out.

Since the tone of the last email was, pretty much, "don't call us, we'll call you" it might be time for us to explore other options... because, tick tock goes the clock, we are not getting any younger... and I am not really interested in being a card carrying member of CARP with kids still in K-12... and would prefer not to use my CPP to pay for a child's college tuition.

And, because they say "a watched pot never boils," we continue on with our lives as a family of three, going to hockey and soccer games, being involved in our community, making vacation plans... but still wondering what our family will look like this time next year.

The Family the Home study Forgot About...

I also debated about entitling this post "Are you there, Ministry? It's Me..."

When our AEP ended at the end of June, we had our post AEP interview less than 36 hours later - despite being told that they usually take place "within two weeks." For the second time during the process, our workers  included terms like "top priority," "top of the list," and "completed during the summer." It seems that when you are "crazy" enough to ask for multiple children over the age of two, they want to get you in and out as fast as possible. We joked that they wanted us over and done with before we realized what we were in for so they could wave, while driving away, calling out "No take backs! No take backs!"

To be honest, I think we were both a little panicked at how fast we were moving through all these stages. On paper, what was listed as being a multi-month process was, as we were lead to believe, all going to be completed in about eight weeks. Needless to say, we left that meeting and rushed around preparing for our home study. It made sense to us - and the Ministry as we were told -  that, with my work schedule being free and clear for two months, that our home study would be completed over the summer so we only had to work around my husband's work schedule and all appointments could be conducted during regular business hours. We had been told numerous times that having to hold some evening appointments to work with family's schedules would delay the process. Quick and easy... that's honestly what we thought.


After multiple emails bouncing back with vacation notices over the course of the summer, we began to realize there was going to be nothing quick and easy about this. Our intake call came August 29 - two working days before I returned to full-time teaching with our first appointment scheduled for September 9. When I was told all eight 60 or 90 minute home study appointments needed to be concluded prior to 4:30 pm weekdays, needless to say, I was a little "miffed" and no longer feeling like our family was "a top priority." Now, as I am fully aware that we are dealing with the government who are essentially in control of whether or not we can expand our family through domestic adoption, it becomes even more frustrating because you feel like you have no right to speak up and say, "Wait a minute. This is not at all what you said was going to happen.You can't get our expectations up, then stomp on them and then get annoyed when we speak up."


I am trying to be diplomatic and bite my tongue. I would love to say things like, "I'm pretty sure all workers being unavailable due to vacation was not something that you were unaware of at the end of June when you told us to expect a summer home study." People really don't seem to appreciate having the obvious pointed out to them. Instead, we asked for another worker - one who was flexible and willing to work with us - with some appointments going beyond 4:30 pm - during the school year. Expecting a teacher to take eight half days off at the beginning of the school year is, frankly, ridiculous. My attempt at a "we'd like to move forward with someone a bit more accommodating" was met with a comment about concerns about my availability as a parent if I was unable to take time off from work. Ouch.

Needless to say, we have been moved to the bottom of the list (and who knows how long "the list" is) ... and my now stressed out husband is convinced we will be parked there indefinitely. As for me, I continue to write letters I will never send about how frustrating it is to be mislead and then slapped in the face.