Preparing for the home study...

One of the things that I made note of during the adoption education program was comments made by social workers about the home study - things they ask you about (yes, sex!), things they suggest you have in your home, etc. I mean, basically, a home study is like some sort of in-person exam so the better prepared you are, the better your chances of passing the "test" is, right?

I think anyone who tells you that they are not nervous about the home study is either lying or taking serious amounts of Xanex... and lying. Someone is coming into your home, looking around, interviewing you - and  your kids - and making a decision about your suitability as a parent. How could anyone not find the very idea of being judged - by the government, no less - not stressful?

Looking over my notes made during the AEP, one said "get a rocking chair." One social worker mentioned that she thought every adoptive home should have a rocking chair because the motion of rocking helps with attachment... or something along those lines. So, last weekend, we picked one up. No idea where we will put it but we have one... and it does not look brand new so we will be able to say "Oh... we have had that for YEARS... every home should have one."

I made notes on books which were recommended. So I emailed one of my friends who has already gone through international adoption and asked if she has any books that we can borrow. I told her I wanted to strategically place them all over the house so that we look well read... we would, of course, read them but having them in plain sight makes it a lot easier - and less obvious - than starting each sentence with "According to the author of..." or "In this great book I just read called...." Her email response was: "They will probably ask to use your washroom and then go through your medicine cabinet." My response: "So we should put the books in the medicine cabinet?" The things you learn from other adoptive parents...

During the home study, they will also interview our kidlet. While we would obviously not coach our child on how to answer their questions, we are trying to convey to him that perhaps comments like "I gave you life, I can take it away" or answers of "Help moving" to questions like "Do you know what I want for my 18th birthday?" - taken out of context - might not paint us as the most supportive parents. We can only hope that any social worker will see our kidlet as the humorous ("I will take as many siblings as it takes to get out of all chores") self confident and content individual we have been guiding on his life journey. We are proud of the job we have done as his parents and cannot think of a better testament to our suitability as adoptive parents... and THAT is probably the best prep for any home study.

Now... to hunt down the perfect cleaning lady.

Hitting our first valley...

So, two weeks after our post-AEP appointment where we were told that they wanted to push us through over the summer, we are still waiting to hear from our newly assigned social worker and for the home study to begin.

We are also still waiting for any word on the sibling group we had expressed interest in. We just wanted to know whether these kids had an adoption plan in the works or if they were still looking for a family. With our inquiry being passed on almost overnight, it is hard to sit back and wait weeks for an answer.

It has been just over six months since we first made contact with the ministry and we have hit our first valley. The practical part of me reminds myself that it is summer time and people do take summer holidays which would delay our social worker speaking with the children's social worker. And I also have to remind myself that this process was only started six months ago and, while we have moved through eight of the 17 steps very fast, delays are to be expected. Technically, we are ahead of schedule but still it is frustrating.

As a couple we continue to talk about what life could look like a year from now - especially when we have a lazy day around the house where loading the dishwasher is the major accomplishment for the day - but we do not really speak about how our journey could take up to two or more years to complete and that we will face many peaks and valleys

So while we have completed the adoption education program, it seems that I still need to learn a little patience... and my bouquet of balloons is looking a little deflated tonight.