Since my last regular hairdresser used my credit card number to pay for online dating, I have been searching for a new one. I am determined to find one close to home and was excited to see the one right down the street had a screaming deal on highlights and haircut. Surely this was a sign that this would be the one!
When we first started talking openly about adoption, my two friends with adoption experience both warned me that I should prepare myself for some really bizarre comments from both well meaning individuals and those who are just completely oblivious. As I walked into my appointment, I met someone who fell into the latter category.
As we got to the perfunctory question of "Do you have any children?" this was the first time that I answered a stranger with a "Yes, I have one but we are growing our family through adoption." When I responded to the next question of "From where?" with "From BC, through the ministry", the hairdresser actually stopped mid cut, looked at me in the mirror and said "Why in the hell would you do that?" At first I was completely shocked that someone would say that to someone they did not know AND someone they were hoping to acquire as a client. Then, as someone who had just learned that this clearly hard partying hairdresser had three children with three different fathers, I wanted to burst out laughing. It was just too absurd to even acknowledge. I just smiled and said, "Love makes a family." I think she thought I was off my rocker.
The great tragedy here? She gave me a great cut and the highlights were terrific. I am beginning to think it will be easier to adopt children than it will be to find an emotionally stable, affordable and honest stylist... so far, the process of adoption has been faster and less painful.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Road to Parenthood... The Sequel
My tale as a parent began with one line to my doctor: "I'm sorry... say that again?" followed, of course, by an expletive. This first tale could be aptly titled "Dazed and Confused" with the lead player walking around in a state of constant bewilderment over the predicament she landed herself in. However, a happy tale nonetheless with many humourous stories along the way.
Fast forward 13 years and the sequel is an entirely different endeavour. The cast has grown to include an incredibly supportive co-star and a precociously opinionated under age supporting player. Throw into the mix a "not-quite-an-adult" surrogate child - during the hockey season - playing a minor supporting role (but who weighs in nonetheless) and a gazillion family members and it all adds up to a ensemble dramedy. A fitting title for the sequel would be "Kid Fever."
Adoption. It really is an ensemble dramedy. Having spent over a year working solely with one individual to expand our family with three failed attempts, it is like coming out of the dark into the light to shift focus and be able to include people in our plans. It is so refreshing to be able to make concrete plans, to look at a timeline and see ourselves working through our steps (we are at step 6 of 17). Our journey is well on its way and the pay off will be huge... two to four individuals huge! (I imagine we will "compromise" at three).
As we worked on our story board for this sequel - especially over the last six months - I have to come to really recognize what it is I - as a parent and an individual - am looking for. I want more children. Holding my newborn nephew (and godson... yay!) a few weeks ago as he spat up all over me, and as I gagged from the smell, I had my aha! moment. I don't "suffer" from baby fever... I "suffer" from kid fever. Since I was a teenager, all I wanted was a big family... four kids. When I think back about what I dreamed about, it was not having four babies... it was about having four children.
Sitting down with our social worker last night, it is surreal to discuss what you are and are not looking for in children. At the same time, we are fortunate to be able to sit down with our supporting player and speak frankly about growing our family and to allow him input as well. At the end of the day, the only real difference between giving birth to a child and adopting a child is the way the gestation period works. So, if our gestation period takes a little longer, involves 17 steps but I can bypass weight gain, heart burn, hemorroids and all the rather yucky physical effects of physically birthing a child... I am really okay with that. And, if you know me at all, you know that is the God's honest truth.
As I watched my girlfriend and her two adopted children on the weekend, I realized that she is too darn busy raising boys to stop and think about how her children arrived in her life. End of the day: Love is what makes a family. How that family comes to be together is really just transportation.
Fast forward 13 years and the sequel is an entirely different endeavour. The cast has grown to include an incredibly supportive co-star and a precociously opinionated under age supporting player. Throw into the mix a "not-quite-an-adult" surrogate child - during the hockey season - playing a minor supporting role (but who weighs in nonetheless) and a gazillion family members and it all adds up to a ensemble dramedy. A fitting title for the sequel would be "Kid Fever."Adoption. It really is an ensemble dramedy. Having spent over a year working solely with one individual to expand our family with three failed attempts, it is like coming out of the dark into the light to shift focus and be able to include people in our plans. It is so refreshing to be able to make concrete plans, to look at a timeline and see ourselves working through our steps (we are at step 6 of 17). Our journey is well on its way and the pay off will be huge... two to four individuals huge! (I imagine we will "compromise" at three).
As we worked on our story board for this sequel - especially over the last six months - I have to come to really recognize what it is I - as a parent and an individual - am looking for. I want more children. Holding my newborn nephew (and godson... yay!) a few weeks ago as he spat up all over me, and as I gagged from the smell, I had my aha! moment. I don't "suffer" from baby fever... I "suffer" from kid fever. Since I was a teenager, all I wanted was a big family... four kids. When I think back about what I dreamed about, it was not having four babies... it was about having four children.
Sitting down with our social worker last night, it is surreal to discuss what you are and are not looking for in children. At the same time, we are fortunate to be able to sit down with our supporting player and speak frankly about growing our family and to allow him input as well. At the end of the day, the only real difference between giving birth to a child and adopting a child is the way the gestation period works. So, if our gestation period takes a little longer, involves 17 steps but I can bypass weight gain, heart burn, hemorroids and all the rather yucky physical effects of physically birthing a child... I am really okay with that. And, if you know me at all, you know that is the God's honest truth.
As I watched my girlfriend and her two adopted children on the weekend, I realized that she is too darn busy raising boys to stop and think about how her children arrived in her life. End of the day: Love is what makes a family. How that family comes to be together is really just transportation.
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